Neptunian disillusionment: one of the most bitter of psychological experiences

[Linda]

Hello EA members,


With Neptune now transiting Pisces (and recently Neptune going Direct), many, many people are experiencing DISILLUSIONMENT, the intention of which is to know or learn about that which is true, and that which is not.  

I'm hoping that if anyone is experiencing this right now, they are free to share here in this thread, and ask any further questions they may have.  Here are a few quotes that will shed Light as to the WHY? of it:


Quote from Jeffrey Wolf Green's book, "Neptune:  Whispers From Eternity":

When a Soul projects an ultimate sense of meaning upon that which is temporal by its very nature this will lead, at some point, to the experience of disillusionment. Disillusionment can be one of the most bitter of psychological experiences for any Soul. To be disillusioned re-orientates the Soul to actual reality. Disillusionment will occur to any Soul that manifests for one of two reasons:

(1)    The Soul has created for itself something that is utterly delusional in nature that has no actual reality or truth whatsoever. A simple example of this could be a Soul who is projecting that the Earth is in fact flat.

(2)    The Soul has projected a sense of ultimate meaning into something that is real yet is, in fact, not the ultimate meaning when ultimate meaning is understood to be a function of the Soul inwardly realizing its relationship to that which has Created it in the first place: The Source Of All Things. "ƒ
In either case, the experience of being disillusioned is to re-orientate the Soul to actual reality.


Quote by Rad from EA Glossary:

Neptunian emotions

One of the core emotions that correlate with Neptune, Pisces, and the 12th house, and the Nodes of Neptune, and evolution is one of disillusionment. To be disillusioned means that the Soul had been creating a reality around "˜something' in which a sense of ultimate meaning has been projected upon that something. In so projecting that sense of ultimate meaning into that "˜something' when that something is not Goddess itself it means that that something has become a de facto Goddess. Thus, to be disillusioned from that something holding such ultimate meaning is then to be faced with a deep inner void when the disillusioning is occurring. The Natural Law behind this is to make the Soul ask the question of what in fact constitutes the REAL ultimate meaning for its life. And that then is intended to lead right back to the Source of the Soul itself: Goddess. Of course most Souls don't do that even though it's the intention. Most Souls will then try to find another "˜something' to project that ultimate meaning into all over again. So round and round the Soul goes in this way until the Soul finally realizes what that ultimate meaning for life is, and to commit to this.


Love and Care,

Linda



EA Book
"Neptune:  Whispers From Eternity"
http://schoolofevolutionaryastrology.com/school/neptune-whispers-from-eternity

[hasagisu]

What is a lot in this world that I had never seen.

[Angie]

Yup... this is me, all day, every day.  A little over a year ago, I was just a regular suburban mom, content with filling my day shopping, lunches and doing chores for the family.  I have always been somewhat contemplative about life and the universe "out there", but I just figured as long as I'm living my life with good intentions and saying my obligatory prayers every night, I would be fine and I was quite content with life.  Then, a series of strange synchronistic events started occurring (around the time I had settled on being agnostic) and my perspective started to shift so rapidly that I became extremely frightened because I knew my life was going to change and I wasn't ready for it.  My husband wasn't/isn't ready for it.  Suddenly I find myself feeling completely disconnected from my cushy life, my husband, even my children at times.  I have made some choices in my life that I never would have imagined myself making before this shift took place.  I have practically retreated from all social events and feel like a hermit holed up in my house, devouring spiritual books (including EA, which is my fave!) and just generally trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.  

I'm extremely frustrated because I feel this pull to do *something*, something in the healing arts... but I don't know what and I feel blocked intuitively and disinterested in engaging in everyday life.  I find myself frustrated with God because I'm asking for guidance toward my purpose and all I feel is confusion, frustration, and sadness.  I'm not even sure if the spirits/energy that I have been in contact with are good.  I have been working through tremendous heartache, and grieving the loss of my old life... Because I know I have to let all this go, including my marriage, and all my desires have changed.  Then I get really pissed at God when I feel like I just want to make my way out of this black hole somehow and realize that there really is no way out, because I will just end up right back... somewhere... facing the same shit, some form of the same "lesson" until I just work through it.  Oh, and my soul apparently chose this!  But if my ego wants out, that's just too bad, because my ego is just the defiant child trying to sabotage my relationship with the compassionate, loving Creator.    So, yeah... I'm disillusioned, and yes it is traumatic.  Fuck you Neptune!  

[cat777]

Hi Angie,

It's a process, keep that in mind.  First the disillusionment, then clarity. Your path will become clearer with time. With Neptune its easier to surrender to the pull than try to analyze it. As far as your old life goes, do not grieve over it but reflect upon it.  Think about what it has taught you and how it has  helped you evolve.  Think about the role you played in the life of others helping them evolve. Take a look at transiting Neptune and the aspects it is making to your natal chart (as well as its location). Reflect on the symbolism, this may help.

cat

[Angie]

Cat,

Thank you.  I understand this deep down and I really feel like I'm being prepped or groomed if you will, for my gifts to blossom.  But it is still hard because I feel almost like a hologram moving through life, and when life is difficult, it is hard not to get antsy.  And interestingly, a few of my closest friends started having their "awakening" around the same time as me and they seemed to get clarity quickly and were able to develop psychically very fast.  They are now doing readings and changing people's lives and I see that and get jealous because it's not my time yet.  I want the kundalini firing up my butt!  I want to be clairvoyant too!  Haha.. Just not my time right now, and I have to accept that.  

The one thing that I am appreciative of, is being able to analyze what I don't want to do as a healer.  I feel like many times people with psychic gift use it to manipulate and control (sometimes subconsciously) and I feel like I am being humbled now and more sure that I want to empower people, rather than dazzle them with things that I can see but they can't.  I am witnessing a lot of co-dependency taking place between a friend of mine and her clients.  

[cat777]

Hi Angie,

I have no idea how old you are, but sometimes the plan involves being blocked and waiting in order to acquire experience and develop wisdom. If there is a desire to counsel and heal others, it is sometimes necessary to trod down the path yourself first before you can really understand and help others. This process can take place physically, mentally and spiritually.  You do not necessarily have to experience everything a potential "client" is going through first, but you need to be able to visualize it in your mind, feel and understand it objectively. Maybe your purpose at this time is to develop these skills via the isolation you spoke of? i don't know, but it is something to think about.

I wouldn't worry about what other people are doing and them being "ahead" of you.  As you said yourself, you see that some of these people are using their skills to manipulate others and are creating relationships in which you describe as co-dependent. This is likely one of your lessons, being put in a position to see and realize this. Having done so, you are wiser than before. Hopefully it serves to help you from doing the same and creating that kind of karma for yourself.

[Upasika]

Hi Angie,

What Cat is saying about your situation is so true... trust and just hang in there.

I remember feeling suicidal every single day, 24 hours a day, for 6 months as I went through some "realignment process". Just like you I sensed old conditioning was being burnt off. But that didn't stop me waking up every day with the first thought in my head "is it gone? this horrible deep sinking feeling in my guts, is it gone?" .... and no, it was never, ever gone, and being soooo gutted about it. For eternity it seemed. But things do change, so don't doubt - it will. Joy will return in it's right time.

Stay down, stay unhappy, stay miserable, be real about it. Life is shit right now. Being disillusioned by who we've been is an unpleasant experience, and it can make us feel very, very inadequate.

But be true to the process that is happening and don't get in the way! You have everything to lose if you blow it by stopping it, or trying to alleviate the pain, the unhappiness - everything  

As Cat says "sometimes the plan involves being blocked and waiting in order to acquire experience and develop wisdom"

blessings Upasika

[Shawn Rollins]

I'm going through a Neptunian type of experience now.  Figure I'll share it here.  First off, for me, Neptune sees what it wants to see..despite reality. I have been in the fog of a very painful disillusionment for over a year now...until this past weekend when I got closure...and subsequent fog lift.

I have Neptune in Scorpio (22) near my South Node (29) in the 5th, also with a Scorpio Moon (9) squared to Venus in Aq (7) in the 8th.  For the exact moment of closure, the Sun was at 29 Scorpio, the Moon was at 22 Scorpio, Mercury was at 20 Scorpio. Venus was sextile my Venus and Mars was sextile my Sun/Saturn/Chiron. Also, Venus was on her Neptune at 6 Sag.

In my life I have always placed great value...if not ULTIMATE value on finding that one person who's meant to be THE ONE.  I would always try to turn every girl I had a relationship with into my soulmate. Everything and everyone else took a backseat to my relationships. True love is the ultimate meaning right?? It is why we're here right? (This was always my viewpoint).

Well, this time around, the girl I fell for was the one who said that we were soulmates and that she always knew it from childhood.  (She was the sister of my best friend growing up...and she always had a crush on me.)  Anyway...I believed her, of course, I mean come on!  And for awhile she was everything I had ever wanted...EVER.  It was perfect and a dream come true. 

Then her Neptune kicked in and took us into a weird place.  I won't go too far into the details. Just that she had permanent trust issues with men and that ended the relationship.  I felt totally victimized and betrayed...as I am a trustworthy person, but I was treated as though I wasn't..and ultimately was left for it.   
During the entire relationship, transiting Neptune was conj. her sun and she also has Neptune square mercury.  She has a skipped step where my Venus is EXACTLY on her North Node...(I really felt like I was supposed to help her with that skipped step...but I never figured out what that was)  I know EA somewhat...but not enough yet to figure that out. 

I've been in extreme emotional breakdown mode for over a year now, if you can believe that. (But then again...if you look my chart, it will be easy to believe...cuz I'm all water.)  LOL  The breakdowns were
so frequent and so freakin intense, you'd swear like my whole family died or something. That's how much this hurt...and that NOT an exaggeration.  My tears were freakin' hot...literally.  I would 'release' for so long that my stomach always hurt..from the silent screaming.  (Crying w/o making a sound)

Now that I take a step back with some clarity, this entire situation was the perfect setup for Neptune disillusionment.  I got what I always wanted...and put ultimate meaning behind this union...and was truly happier than I have EVER been..and it was taken from me...because...I guess Neptune doesn't like it when you put a another human as the center of your universe.  And that seems kinda messed up... I mean...I was sooooooo happy.

Here's some info, just for information's sake.  Obviously I'm not looking for a reading...Just sharing.

Me: 3/10/66 12:26 PM Rochester, NY
Her: 2/19/72 5:31 PM Sodus Point, NY
Engagement: 4/29/2012 2PM Canandaigua, NY
Closure: 11/21/14 5:08 PM Charlotte,NY - (Rochester is close enough)

Oh I almost forgot, her Saturn on my North Node and my Venus is on her North node.  Who got the better deal there right??? HAHA

[Skywalker]

Hi Shawn Rollins,

What you describe sounds like a Pluto transit and it seems you have transiting Pluto right on the cusp of the Seventh House. Not going into personal chart analysis but just in order to exemplify how it seems to be a Pluto transit and a "Neptunian projection of Ultimate Meaning" that then becomes a source of stagnation if continued, disillusionment after disillusionment, in which Pluto, the Soul, will then desire to evolve beyond the limitations caused by these dynamics.

With your South Node, Moon and Neptune all in your Fifth House in Scorpio, in Balsamic phase to one another, it can indicate a closing of a long period of projecting these types of ultimate projections upon intimate others, who become a symbol of evolution, pleasure and ultimately give a sense of purpose and meaning to life. With Pluto entering the Seventh House and Uranus squaring Pluto, it can correlate with an inner need to liberate from outmoded, conditioned relationship patterns, in order to evolve, as you may have reached an evolutionary limit, Pluto, relative to how you deal with relationships and the ultimate importance you give to them.

That is what it seems like to me.

All the best

[Shawn Rollins]

Thanks Skywalker.  I DO feel like it's been a pattern.  I remember growing up and always just wanting to find the 'one'.  It was always in the back of my head.  I realize we all need to grow and evolve, but my perspective was such that I always desired to grow together WITH someone.  What's the fun in 'growing' all alone?  Know what I mean?  You and me against the world...!

I always wanted the relationship showcased in "What Dreams May Come"...THAT extreme connection.

Anyway...maybe that's why I came in with Venus in Aq in the 8th squared to my moon....trying to bring in some detachment of sorts.  These 2 conflicting energies have always been a challenge for me. One brings intense attachment and the other detachment. 

Funny thing, I finally feel clear enough to revisit my EA studies.  And when I say finally...I mean...like right this moment...after 1.5 years of serious depression. All these EA light bulbs are lighting up for me.  I seriously feel like this closure has lifted the world off my shoulders. I feel lighter, I feel joy..I feel like I'm coming back from the dead.

[Linda]

Hi Shawn,

Thank you so much for sharing your story here in such great detail! It really helps others to learn about placing "ultimate meaning" on something or someone, and then why it gets dissolved.

Skywalker has explained the WHY? of it.  

Neptune (unconditional love) is the higher octave of Venus (conditional love). The energy of Neptune is formless - it knows no boundaries. It can represent the most beautiful and most painful of human EMOTIONS. It can be illusion or illumination.

Illusion  
Word Origin: from Latin "illūsiō" - deceit
Definitions:
- a false appearance or deceptive impression of reality
- a false or misleading perception or belief; delusion
- (psychology) a perception that is not true to reality, having been altered subjectively in some way in the mind of the perceiver.  

Illumination
Definitions:
- the act of illuminating or the state of being illuminated
- a source of light
- spiritual or intellectual enlightenment; insight or understanding
- the act of making understood; clarification

Now that you are relatively at ease with Neptune, higher manifestations are coming forth!

The following correlates to your Venus in Aquarius (objectivity) in the 8th house square to your Moon (the ego or self-image - be aware of the "illusion" that the ego is not "ultimately" what you are).


From EA Glossary:

Projections, delusions, expectations

Unless any reality is "˜objectively' understood for what it is, whatever that reality is, then the Soul will project what they think that reality is into any situation that is not objectively understood. Projecting onto someone else what we think they need can be associated with Libra because Libra is naturally linked to Aquarius and Gemini through its own natural triad. (Rad)

Astrologically speaking, Aquarius is the archetype that correlates with projections (from our own unconscious). These projections can be based on past traumas (ie this reminds me of my ex-partner, old friend, parents, etc.) which are then cast onto the person who you are involved with now. These projections can also be based on the person's own unconscious inner dynamics/structure that are then cast onto others. In other words, the person projects what is inside themselves onto others. Aquarius correlates to the individuated unconscious and also to the dynamic of trauma. The projections that can surface within this archetype can be linked with the need to objectify and hopefully release what is stored/unresolved within the unconscious. [The situation you are describing] also sounds like dynamics that are linked with unconscious expectations that get projected upon others within relationships.

Astrologically speaking, expectations are linked with the archetype of Libra. Libra correlates with the nature of our expectations within relationships and our ability (or inability) to reach a balanced state of giving and receiving within relationships. Libra correlates with extremities, and the need to reach a state of balance relative to such extremities. Delusion/fantasy correlates with the archetype of Pisces. Pisces symbolizes the need for ultimate meaning, and to bring to closure an entire cycle of evolution in order to prepare for a new cycle which begins in the Aries archetype. When ultimate meaning is "˜projected' externally within a relationship it is all too easy to fall into fantasies and delusions (infatuation) about the other person regardless of how much actual contact there has been.

The core point within this is that these types of projections and delusions are based on a need for ultimate meaning/fulfillment within life which we try to find in a variety of external sources. (There is a natural inconjunction between the Libra/Pisces archetypes which reflects the crisis of disillusionment that so many of us have experienced because of this dynamic in which our expectations/need for ultimate meaning are not met.) Pisces also correlates to the need to meet the need for ultimate meaning through creating a relationship with the Divine. Pluto Vol. 2 goes into a wonderful in-depth description of the connection between the Taurus, Libra, and Pisces archetypes and how these archetypes correlate with the need in all of us to progressively internalize (Taurus) our need for ultimate meaning through union with Spirit/the Divine (Pisces) and to reach a state of balance within our relationships (Libra). (Deva)

[Linda]

[Shawn Rollins]

Gotta digest all that.  It makes a lot of sense.  Looking back in hindsight...The relationship was filled with illusions followed by delusions and flawed thinking.  There was a lot of Pisces\Neptune energy there.   

[Angie]

Shawn,

Thanks for sharing your experience.  I can relate and have a lot of compassion for you.  I am going through a similar process of letting go of a relationship where I projected a LOT into, and our whole dynamic was wrought with fantasy and delusion.  It can be very difficult to sort through these experiences when your emotions get you in a fog.  I have been with my husband for 11 years and ended up having a quick affair with a man who I felt a very strong pull toward and had a very hypnotic physical and energetic connection with (8th house Pluto dynamic  ).  I am grateful that he did not allow the relationship to continue because affairs are soul crushing, and by pulling away, he forced me to really evaluate who I am, what I want from an intimate relationship, and why this happened.  It is one thing to be able to detach from these situations and objectively evaluate the experience, however, it still gets a grip on your heart and is very hard to get over.  My biggest fear is that I will never get to experience that soul mate connection and unconditional love in an intimate relationship.  

But, these people are great teachers for us and I have personally developed so much more compassion and understanding of relationship dynamics.  It is really wonderful that you have the insight to dig deep and figure out why you have repeated cycles in your relationships and learn to break patterns.  These emotional lessons are very difficult, but will lead us to a life with so much depth and joy!

[Shawn Rollins]

Hello Angie

You said you felt a very strong pull toward him and had a very hypnotic physical and energetic connection. 
THAT is what I felt too.   The sexual stuff was off the charts and when you add that to the mix and it's VERY hard to walk away from...very hard. 

As for detaching but still feeling hurt, I so get that too.  But, for me, right now, I was FINALLY able to detach from the pain.  It's like I really DID get closure, and now the memories are memories and they don't send me into a breakdown anymore. I used to have a horrible pit in my stomach with ANY memories.  They would almost send me into a panic attack.  But now it's like I put a mental block in there.  I'm detached and not letting myself slip backwards.  (I was doing that back and forth stuff for months and it was painful)

What's weird is that I literally feel like something..I don't know what...but SOMETHING left my being... the darkness and the dread went away.  Maybe it's just the energy of the current Sag transits..I don't know...but I am grateful. 

I also get your fear of not experiencing that soulmate connection.  But for me, it was more about the pain of losing that 'alleged' soulmate connection that I had...that was killing me.  When you truly believe you are with your actual soulmate and things go south...it's gonna hurt. 

Now I think I'm just gonna take a break from all that intensity.  HAHA It's been an exhausting few years emotionally speaking.  I need to keep it casual for awhile...til I FULLY heal...

What's weird is that if I asked any of these EA pros to read me and my ex's charts, they probably would have advised me against the dangers because the clues were ALL over the chart...BUT...it was more valuable for me to find out on my own and live the experience...because now the teaching is mine..and it's very valuable.  (Besides...I wouldn't have listened anyway...) LOL